Holidays

If you haven't figured it out by now, my son is severely disabled.  He has severe autism.  And yet while the doctors say severe, I say moderate because the child I have now is drastically different from the child who they originally diagnosed.  He still can't use many words, and what words he does have are sporadic.  His senses overload from things that we normal folks take for granted.  His behaviors are on the level of a 4 years old.  In a preteen body.

So holidays are a mixed bag for us.  He doesn't understand most holidays or their reasons.  And some holidays are severe overload triggers.  And so I've made adaptions.  He has a very generous and loving extended family.  So gift giving holidays are typically more than loaded with enough gifts.  In order to not make the overload worse, I give him gifts year round rather than just on his birthday or Christmas.  At least one a month, sometimes big, sometimes small.  Always just because I love him.  As a result of this he is better able to focus on other gift items on those holidays.  And I am able to help him focus on the most important part - that he is loved and the reason for the celebration.  I think sometimes the reasons become lost behind the gifts.

For me, his birthday is a celebration of his entrance into my life and all that he has taught me since then.  I love my son dearly, even when he is driving me up the walls.  And I try to make sure that he knows that love, feels it, comprehends it in his heart/soul even when his mind cannot understand.

Lately, he has been responding with impromptu displays of love to me.  And the look in his eyes lets me know that while his mind may not understand, his heart/soul do.  And these little things are treasures for me.

But holidays like Mother's Day are not even on the radar for him.  And I accept this, mind/body/soul.  My "mother's day" occurs frequently throughout the year - in his smiles, his cuddle attacks, his attempts to tickle, his kisses, his love.  It occurs when he calms and accepts something new because I am there for him.  When he looks to me for reassurance that he's ok.  When he looks to me to be sure he's safe.  All of these things are gifts to me.  They are gifts because so many other kids with his disability cannot do them - do not understand them.  And some of those things his regular peers no longer do with their moms.

So, please enjoy your Mother's Day activities today.  But please, also remember all the little precious things that show that love so much more than the gifts.

And my surprise Mother's Day gift this year was that when munchkin woke up, he curled into the other side of my bed and went back to sleep.  He didn't turn off my CPAP, he didn't put his feet in my spine, he just curled up and went back to sleep.  And he let me sleep until I woke up naturally.  Which, since I stayed up very late last night, was almost 9 am.  (really, really late for us.)  Then he cuddled in for a slow lazy wake up morning.  This was a great thing all around.

In Threes

Ok, in my life things always happen in threes.  And generally the good balances the bad.  It's really time for some major good things please.  Really, really major good things!

Yup, I'm grumpy today.

While I still have to laugh about yesterday, I'm still not enjoying the bruises I have down one leg from it.  It seems my leg and the sill didn't like each other, so the front half of one thigh has 9 bruises from the sill.  They go from the top of my thigh to just at the bottom of my knee.  They probably wouldn't bother me so much except it's That Day of the month.  So I'm pretty much sore from just below my shoulder blades down.  By tomorrow morning most of it will be gone and I'll feel much better.  And then I'll be in a much better mood.

And then we had to go look for the glasses that munchkin lost while running yesterday.  And no we didn't find them.  My girlfriend is going to look again.  Sometimes different eyes see things mine miss.

Yesterday, while visiting my girlfriend, munchkin got out and ran away.  We weren't far behind him so he wasn't going to get far.  But about 20 feet from her driveway we observed a new behavior.  He stopped.  Then he looked around like he was confused/lost.  Then he got scared.  He started crying and ran back down her driveway trying to find where he had been.  We directed him back into her yard where he promptly went to one section and closed the gate with himself on the inside!  And he didn't try to get out again!  In fact, he didn't want to get out when it was time to go.  And when she and I spent some time talking at the car, he tried to go back!

When I discussed it with another girlfriend, we came to the conclusion that he had realized that he didn't know where he was, which was the source of the fear.  And as a result, he tried to get back to somewhere familiar, which was the rest of the behavior.  But now I'm not so sure.  Today we followed the path he ran in order to look for his glasses.  Even with me at his side, he got only as far as he did yesterday before he started getting really upset.  When we turned around he pulled me along to get back to my girlfriend's house.  He got upset every time he thought we were going back down the street that direction!  Even when he could hear kids laughing and playing in one of the yards, which would normally attract him.

Now munchkin has some things that trigger fears or upset.  Buildings that look like schools or doctor's offices are his normal ones.  During really bad periods this translates to any brick type building that he hasn't been in regularly - like the Hancock Fabrics I use.  But there is not anything on that street that even vaguely resembles something that would trigger him.  And random unknown areas don't trigger fears/upset if I'm with him.  He'll get cautious and walk closer to me but he won't get this upset.

And even when a building triggers him, my presence normally abates the fear some.  This time it didn't.  He spazzed in the car when I decided to drive that way to see if I could figure it out.

So now I'm left wondering what it is that he is hearing/smelling/whatever that is setting him off.  What it is that I am missing.  I'm going to call my girlfriend on Monday and see if she might have a thought or two.  It's probably something that hasn't triggered in so long that I've forgotten about it.  If talking to her doesn't help me figure it out, I may go walk the area by myself.  When I'm not having to focus on his fear I'm better able to focus on what's around that may be a trigger.  Then I can work with him to narrow it down, and hopefully, eliminate it.

I would prefer that he not run, and that he would realize the danger and come back willingly any time it does happen.  And that has slowly, oh so slowly, occurring.  But I don't want him terrified of things.  So I have to find and help him deal with the trigger, if possible.  But maybe he's also realized that random running way isn't such a good idea!

Well, here's hoping that you are having a better day than I am.  And here's hoping that I will be having Much better days in immediate, and further out, future.  (with bad things gone away, please!)

You Laugh, Otherwise You Might Scream

ok, this moment of hilarity brought to you by me.

While reading a text from someone who was supposed to already be at my house, I walked out my back door to go to the storage shed.  Goliath was following me and I didn't want him outside so I pulled the door closed behind me.  I promptly replied to the text, then went to the storage shed to get what the empty box for canning jars.  Upon returning to the back door I found it locked.  Oops, I instinctively locked it upon exiting......and I didn't have keys.

Okay, deep breath, I decide to go in through the bathroom window.  My son tends to open it during his showers and doesn't always get it completely back down and relocked when he's done.  Ooops again, he actually got it fully down and locked this time!

Okay, a few more deep breaths.  Oh yeah, I've got the kitchen window open!  So around to the kitchen.  Okay, back to the garage for the ladder.  I don't see the extension ladder so I grab the 4 footer.  Back to the kitchen window.  Ok, the screen is steel and I can't get it out.  Over to the neighbors for a screwdriver.  Screen out, screwdriver returned, I reach in and start cleaning off the sill.

I look at the window and realize that I will have to go in head first.  Oh joy!  So I try it.  Part of the way in, I realize that it's not going to happen with this ladder.  I also realize that my son has taken this opportunity to grab my dish soap for smearing.  I promptly tell him to put the soap back.  He does.  Bug-eyed doesn't come even close to the look on his face when he sees me half out the window!  I hope I haven't given him ideas.

Anyways, soap back in the kitchen, I exit once again and go looking for the extension ladder.  One phone call to Dad later, to confirm that he didn't take it to his place, I find it right in front of my face.  Yup, I'm snake bit.

Back to the window.  I'm hoping that with the taller ladder I can go in feet first but no such luck!  So in face first I go.  Hmmm.....I'm glad I've lost a lot of weight, the window isn't very big. 

Oh, I haven't mentioned that this window is directly over my kitchen sink!  And one half is full of clean dishes!  After a few stretches and modified splits later, I'm on the counter on all four.  Footing and hand grips were a little mobile because I had just finished dishes and the area was still damp.  Please, use your imagination here because Murphy was definitely at play during this. 

Finally, I got two feet on the floor.  And I managed to do it with only one scrape and no broken items.

So back out the door, with keys this time, to clean everything up.  Who knew that getting an empty canning box into the house could be so difficult.  And I was planning on cleaning of the sill of random objects, just not quite this way.

I've got to find a way to hide a house key outside the house.  This is the second time this year I've had to "break" in.  It's great exercise but it's a little tiring!