Holidays

If you haven't figured it out by now, my son is severely disabled.  He has severe autism.  And yet while the doctors say severe, I say moderate because the child I have now is drastically different from the child who they originally diagnosed.  He still can't use many words, and what words he does have are sporadic.  His senses overload from things that we normal folks take for granted.  His behaviors are on the level of a 4 years old.  In a preteen body.

So holidays are a mixed bag for us.  He doesn't understand most holidays or their reasons.  And some holidays are severe overload triggers.  And so I've made adaptions.  He has a very generous and loving extended family.  So gift giving holidays are typically more than loaded with enough gifts.  In order to not make the overload worse, I give him gifts year round rather than just on his birthday or Christmas.  At least one a month, sometimes big, sometimes small.  Always just because I love him.  As a result of this he is better able to focus on other gift items on those holidays.  And I am able to help him focus on the most important part - that he is loved and the reason for the celebration.  I think sometimes the reasons become lost behind the gifts.

For me, his birthday is a celebration of his entrance into my life and all that he has taught me since then.  I love my son dearly, even when he is driving me up the walls.  And I try to make sure that he knows that love, feels it, comprehends it in his heart/soul even when his mind cannot understand.

Lately, he has been responding with impromptu displays of love to me.  And the look in his eyes lets me know that while his mind may not understand, his heart/soul do.  And these little things are treasures for me.

But holidays like Mother's Day are not even on the radar for him.  And I accept this, mind/body/soul.  My "mother's day" occurs frequently throughout the year - in his smiles, his cuddle attacks, his attempts to tickle, his kisses, his love.  It occurs when he calms and accepts something new because I am there for him.  When he looks to me for reassurance that he's ok.  When he looks to me to be sure he's safe.  All of these things are gifts to me.  They are gifts because so many other kids with his disability cannot do them - do not understand them.  And some of those things his regular peers no longer do with their moms.

So, please enjoy your Mother's Day activities today.  But please, also remember all the little precious things that show that love so much more than the gifts.

And my surprise Mother's Day gift this year was that when munchkin woke up, he curled into the other side of my bed and went back to sleep.  He didn't turn off my CPAP, he didn't put his feet in my spine, he just curled up and went back to sleep.  And he let me sleep until I woke up naturally.  Which, since I stayed up very late last night, was almost 9 am.  (really, really late for us.)  Then he cuddled in for a slow lazy wake up morning.  This was a great thing all around.